1993. The right woman to take on a cruise

Welcome to the special section “BAM 35 Years.” We are presenting “cult” articles from the Motor Boats archive, starting in 1990. A journey through time among stories unobtainable today, even in the great sea of the internet! A dive into the world of epic moments in motor boating. We begin with one of the stories we were most passionate about.

Sea women

From Motor Boats 1993, no. 5, June, pp. 43-45.

The time to recruit crew for next summer is approaching. For a peaceful and happy coexistence on board between Him and Her, here are some valuable tips…

Living together on board, you know, is not an easy thing…. The greatest friendships break up, the most solid marriages falter, and all because each of us on the boat, whether we like it or not, reveals ourselves. I wonder if so many “brave captains” when evaluating the crew will have thought about what kind of woman to take on the boat. Many will have thought, “A pilot. What if she never lets go of the wheel? Better maybe a second, I’m there for the maneuvering anyway, or a sailor, because on a boat you always need someone to help out…. Tell you what, I’ll take Francesca, who has never been on a boat, but she’s nice…. What if she gets an increment and greases my deck? Margherita is divine, but last year she threw half a sailor overboard.” But who knows how many women will have in turn thought of setting up an all-female crew, because “Guido only cares about boating, Michele is cranky, Giovanni is a landslide.” .. and so on. The difficulty in tolerating each other is thus on both sides. At this point one is seized with dread that the coveted vacation will turn into a catastrophic experience. What to do? Recruit an all-male crew, or arm yourself with common sense, trying to figure out not only which person is ideal for your cruise but more importantly whether there are, and there are, ways to get along. Coming to each other, whether from one side or the other, seems the only possible solution. On the other hand, if patience, serenity, and savoirfaire are not your forte and on a boat you tend to turn into a kind of Captain Bligh (the one on the Bounty) ready to inflict a turn of the keel for a poorly tied knot or a tube of cream left lying around there will be no crew to hold back, mutiny will be inevitable, whether you have an off-shore team with lots of Fabio Buzzi on board or your wife, girlfriend or friend. In the vast landscape of characters you might come across, we have outlined five characters, describing their characteristics, mannerisms, and needs. Who knows how many times you’ve already dealt with them, or how many stories you’ve already heard from friends returning from a vacation-we’re already well on our way. Because if in your twenty-day summer plans there is a San Remo-Istanbul, it will be better not to risk embarking on what we have called “The Harasser” or the so-called “Suitcase,” and if you really cannot do without it, it will be necessary that the poor girl be at least warned of what awaits her. It cannot be ruled out that even the most fearful individuals may not only find a way to come to terms with it in their turn, but also fall in love with the boat and life on board and book themselves for the following year’s cruise. Never say never. All this also applies to the other characters examined from “The Sportswoman,” to “The Hostess,” to “The Pilot,” and all the other types of women you have had the opportunity to onboard, keeping in mind that most of the types examined could fit perfectly for your brother-in-law, your son-in-law or even your best friend.

The suitcase

She usually gets seasick, gets scared of high speed, but what is more important, for her a cruise is like a “tub” on the Croisette in Cannes or a fortnight in Santo Domingo. About the boat she doesn’t care much, she usually accepts the invitation out of love for her boyfriend, or simply because she is “in.” “When do we arrive? If we had taken the car we would already be there,” “I’m cold, I’m sleepy, I’m hungry” are her usual phrases. But perhaps no one will have attempted until then to make you participate. Do not resign yourself to the idea that you are necessarily dealing with an “apathetic: she might even become a” motoring expert. A crossing could thus be an opportunity to teach her a spoken knot or to let her take the wheel or even for a brief lesson in charting or diesel operation. In short, make sure you don’t ignore her and try to make her as much a part of the crew as possible.

The harasser

The idea of basking on the deck for entire days in the sun, sprinkled with tropical oils and gently lulled by the waves is what leads the harasser to accept the invitation. That is not to say that boating does not appeal to her and that if stimulated she may not become passionate about it. But be careful because usually, in addition to slipping on the deck greased by her creams, you will also have to deal with her recklessness: your lines could be a trap for her gold stiletto-heeled sandals. A meeting in the living room before the cockpit might be useful, among other things, to warn her against embarking with a rigid Samsonite filled only with silk dresses and ten pairs of Chanel. It will be no big deal when you see the stanchion sprinkled with her twenty bathing suits…. just point out to her the importance of having a clear deck when maneuvering. The harasser will take out your entire water supply because she usually makes use of the taps as at home and after each bath will demand a long hot shower… It will probably drain your batteries because it will tend to leave the lights on. But again, it will be enough to make her understand that water and batteries on a boat are not really options. Nor will she like the idea of finding herself dry, dark, and broken down on the high seas.

The pilot

She really enjoys sailing, but what she enjoys most is being a skipper. She is good, she is fearless, and she is self-sufficient. This sometimes leads her to get along better with male crews and in many cases to tolerate less than a male skipper the presence of subjects like “The Harasser” or “The Suitcase.” She seldom questions herself, and it is at this point that trouble may come even with the men on board. His prowess and skills will not have to be felt as the revenge of one sex over the other. On the other hand, it will also be his job to make sure that it does not come to that conclusion. And if on a quiet August day he tries to make the first boat he sees on the horizon “eat dust” by going full throttle, don’t be surprised: after all, isn’t that the same thing you would do?

The Sportswoman

She skis, runs, goes to the gym, plays tennis, climbs, canoes, hang glides, loves adventure, and her big dream in life is to participate in the Paris-Dakar. The sportswoman may have never gone boating, but her spirit of adaptation is incredible. A nice glide with formed seas excites her, an overnight crossing satisfies her… but don’t forget that boating for her is only one of her many interests. If she advances the desire to go down to a beautiful cove to do some trakking, or a dive, and if the stop is compatible with your plans, do not deny her. Also, don’t think that she is not capable of a great deal of help: she will offer to change the engine filter because she has single-handedly reassembled the pistons on her Harley-Davidson and will consider it child’s play to moor at the dock. But don’t react to her presumption: she may actually be able to do everything she says she is capable of. Do not delude yourself that you can keep her dynamism at bay, and if setting a summit for her will not be enough, after you have ascertained her capabilities gratify her with more important roles.

The hostess

It is usually the shipowner’s wife. She comes aboard because her husband has this passion. She does not necessarily like it and considers the boat, which in most cases bears her own name, as a kind of seaside villa. She hates clutter, she can’t stand you putting your head in the engine half an hour before lunch, long sailings end up boring her, and she is ultimately a little jealous of the same boat. To the friend whose husband sold her Primatist she says “lucky you,” but nevertheless she continues to follow her own. This can be remedied by making her understand that first of all the boat is not a rival, but neither is it the projection of one’s good living room, adorned with doilies and flower vases, and that it may not always be possible to set the table in the cockpit with underplates and crystal glasses. Nor will it be possible to moor in Capri on August 15 with a gangway at the dock! Still, try to meet them as much as you can and remember that a little order, and this applies even more on board than anywhere else, is really needed and that the female presence in many cases is necessary.

By Laura Floris

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